Well Hello There Again Proverbial Cliff

I can not believe that in less than two weeks we will be heading into our second cleft lip revision. Even more hard to believe is how anxious I feel. 

I should be an expert at this by now, right? I mean I have had three cleft surgeries of my own and watched one as a Momma. I *know* it's all in the Lord's hands and that all will be okay. However, that knowledge doesn't seem to be doing much for the knot in my stomach. Perhaps it is because I know all too well the pain that comes with this procedure.  More likely it is because I feel guilty Clay has no idea it's coming.  We have told him that he will be going to the doctor soon.  We have not told him why.  How do you explain to a two year old that the doctor is going to slice his face open and possibly pull his tooth all while he takes a nap? "But don't worry wee one, it's all for your own good."

While most children are downing costumes and eating ridiculous amounts of crap next week Clay and I will be meeting his surgeon for the low down on what to expect for the following week. His doctor is precious and I hope that his answers to my many questions will assuage my anxieties. No matter the doctor's answers or the outcome of the surgery I will hold my sweet baby boy extra tight while I rest in my Savior's lap.  

*You can read our entire journey with Clay's cleft by following this link.

1 comment:

Denice said...

Dearest daughter,

It helps to remember that this will all be a memory a month or so from now. He WILL be fine and you will be, too, even though it makes your gut clench and your heart alternate between melting, palpitating and breaking - sometimes all in the same hour. How well I remember this angst and trying to balance what I knew to be best with making a decision that I also knew would cause you to be in pain.
God's grace IS sufficient and he will see you all through this (just to remind you one more time.) I love you. Mom